I recently got to think about childhood and consequences of what I went through. I decided that there is nothing wrong with self-analysis and inferring things from that as long as we expand from that and find examples also in the lives of others, which is what I have done with this one.
I had the following insight: We come to chase, as a main aspect of our lives on earth, whatever we most missed when we were growing up, so say we lived in a home where they did not have enough money for subsistence in general. We would then live to chase money above all.
I was told an example by LMR, for instance, an example from her own life. She had gone through so much hardship when little that it was like a torture session watching her sister, her senior, frying a beef in front of her. The sister was smarter according to her and got a piece of meat from her godmother. They had no meat for ages in that household. The sister then spit over the beef whose smell spread all over the environment, so that all the other siblings, who, salivating, watched her fry the piece of meat, would feel disgusted and not want it. The sister then ate all the beef on her own.
LMR, later on, would marry a man because of money and stability, despite having one that would do almost anything for her. The other man would be able to let her waiting for hours at a bus stop on her own, for instance, and would then say he had mechanical problems with his car. The other possible husband, however, who she split from, had instead chased her like crazy, to the point of traveling a whole Country to be with her.
MRP had a home, had enough food, enough comfort, a lovely mum, and etc. The thing she most missed whilst she was growing up was knowledge, information, and wisdom. She could find that nowhere else apart from inside of herself, if any existed. She then chased Science, knowledge, and information above all.
BPN had a home, a family, what to eat and etc. He just did not have a loving father. The father was a pedophile, who he saw attacking his sister a few times. As a son, he missed the love of the father, so that this was the thing he most missed, to the point of envying the sexual interest of the father in the sister. In not being naturally sexually interested in men, he stuck to declaring that he was heterosexual and he also stuck to exhibiting female partners to the public in general, if ever having a partner. Notwithstanding, he had absolute devotion for his male partner only, and it looked like he would do anything on earth for him. This partner commanded him. He was thirty years old and bought a couch for his living room because the partner told him to, for instance. The task of the male partner was then that of the father, of the command. And the sexual contact is the only form of love between adults who are strangers and of the same gender. He then replaced the missing father figure with that partner and that was his main objective in life: To please him and get his love. Yet, to also never declare himself homosexual because, deep inside, he knew he was not homosexual, like he would be happy with a woman if those men did not exist, basically. We are OK if our fathers die, but only if they die. Apparently, we would all be after them otherwise.
Part of our decisions in life seem to be based on what Jung would have called Shadow Region of our minds, we now believe. This is not something that strong people like us can really accept, but it does happen.
For instance, we went to the past and recalled our desperation to never be again subtracted from the company of males, since they were the only ones who could be pleasant, really pleasant. We were frequently deprived from their company because of the violence of women, and this goes on since we are little. Because of that, we could not split like everyone else does: Upon first disappointment that is part of the MUST NOTS.
We realized that the company of the stolen brothers gave us fun that we did not have with anyone else and we then hoped to find that sort of fun, of siblings, with the male we are intimately relating to. Because of that, having the sexual desire satisfied by them was not as important as never losing them, since, if we lost them, we could end up in a world of women, and women only, since that is what happened to us when we were growing up, like despite all our efforts and desires.
It is then much more logical (to our mind) hanging on to a relationship that may even be killing us than having to, for instance, share a place with another woman.
It may be then seen as more convenient having to tolerate a relationship that destroys us on several levels than moving into a place with another women, say because we can justify that with arguments involving money, safety or comfort.
That is obviously a catastrophe that may lead even to death.
Somebody said that The Shadow was about traumas, bad memories, and things like that, so that we can easily say that The Shadow plays a huge role in our destiny and is being shaped even more strongly when we are little.
The deprivations may also be part of the negativity of our existence, so that we could simply add those to The Shadow in case Jung has not done that to solidify the reasoning that there is nothing more important than changing not our dreams, as Patricia Garfield may think, but our actual reality, and therefore our actual Shadow.
It might be impossible for a kid to change those things, but it might be relatively easy for a parent to fix them in time and stop that from adding to The Shadow, since that may actually determine our chances in life.