Thursday, 19 April 2018

Reasons to Be Attached to the University as a Student? (being built)






The only reason is crime, true atrocity. I am trying to get out of Australia and be in the United States for full 16 plus years. What doomed me was believing I could go back to Brazil and get out of it without increasing the rate and weight of the crimes that I endured. All crimes that I suffered in Australia were coming from Brazil, all of them or almost all of them, but I wasn't sure about that, what is then what made me go to Brazil in 2003. That is the main issue. I denounced to the Australian authorities and they did not care enough or did not care at all. The reason as to why they didn't is now known by me, but I did not know that before I 'bravely' decide to face South America again, and, worse than anything else, what really doomed me, Rio de Janeiro. The reason was initially Joao Carlos Ricci Terra, but that was just a strong question mark in my head by the time I head to Brazil, 2003. Now I know the Brazilian government lies all the time to the Australian authorities, Australia sees all that is happening to me as Brazilian responsibility, and so on. Brazil would have to be forced to comply with their laws already in 2001, as I told that damn Trevor. Who is going to force them if we also don't have press? I am rejected by the First World peoples because I look like trash all these years and I suffer barbarian crime. I need the university to publish, to help me, but they don't want to help in Australia. In the USA they did, but I cannot make it. Last time I needed 20 K in my bank account and I did not have that. There is only God... They have killed my acquaintances, those with money, even though most of the people would conform with their explanations regarding a few of them and say they died from natural causes. I gave that Trevor all information I had, which is then the only reason why I ended up like this. I did trust the discernment of Judith Cook and those who claimed to send him. Trevor said it had been her. That was what made me lose all that I lost all these years. 



Sunday, 15 April 2018

No Police, Only the Marginals, Crime, and Me






There is another dimension to all I endure, which I have just noticed. Some people believed that I visited my relatives to pretend to have a family when I went to Brazil, so that I did not like or praise them, did not think I was doing my obligation or did not have the rights to use whatever service the marginal thought I was using, say their accommodation services. My family is originally Italian, and, as far as I understand, Italian families are very supportive of the members of the family, so that I and all others should receive our relatives any time they visit the place if they ask. That is what I always did. Hermolga and Agnella happened to only visit me once without any warning. Perhaps they visited me when I was with my mother like that a few times, but I mean my own house or apartment instead. I remember receiving them to the best that I could. I had some chocolate box at home, and gladly offered them my only chocolate, despite liking chocolate a lot. I put the entire box in front of them, and sat to converse. The issue that I always found is that we have very little in common, and they lack conversation for a person like me, who would definitely think, most of the time, that they are wasting time by trying to relate to them. I think that they are completely ignorant, know nothing, and have no skills. My mother and Murillo were very different from them: I always stopped all that I was doing to listen to them, and I even invited them to visit me. I never invited Agnella or Hermolga or any member of their family to visit me, true. Murillo and my mother were always invited and welcome: They always had what to teach, they always knew something that I did not know, and I love intellectual matters since little, especially Science. Those could be my friends, not Agnella and Hermolga, never Lea Ricci Pinheiro or Leinha. I obliged myself to visit Hermolga once I was in Rio because I had promised Trevor that I would, and, in having absolutely nobody for my rights or the law, I thought only the story of the psychopath could mean hope, so that I did. My promise had to do with the possible proximity of Hermolga's death. From all the people in my family, she is one of the group of those I hated the most, but my mother was always saying that she loved me instead, so that I always tried to converse with her, and, if possible, to relate too. I stayed at her apartment for only two days. This time she was not pushy and inviting me, as she usually does, what was very suspicious. She did every sort of thing she had never done, things that I consider to be the rudest you can do to a guest. The whole intention was getting God to forgive her for what she had done to me before she died, in case she had regretted, so that she would have more chances to get to the sky, and I did tell that to Trevor. The more serious crimes started when Agnella saw me at her place. I did question Agnella again over the detective from 2000 or over the man who looked exactly like one before she started the never-ending string of crimes against me with her family, what now lasts for more than one decade. The Brazilians did say that I had to stay at the motel where I once was with Alexandre Magno de Andrade when I went to Tijuca instead of staying with my relatives. I stayed with her only two days in her apartment, just because the military club could not allow anyone to stay for as long as I was staying in their hotel, made only for members, but also because of the promise. I stayed with Murillo most of the time when I had to have a break from the hotel (maximum of 15 days or so, then get out and come back). Alexandre was probably married by then (2003). I cannot tell, from beginning to end, why I would ever be involved with any member of The Brazilians for any amount of time, especially carioca women, since those I really hate with all my forces. I lose everything attacked overseas since 2000 by this mass of marginals from South America, Rio. Yet, I did denounce them well to several authorities in 2001 and begged international protection against Brazil and The Brazilians. I wrote to more than 8 TV shows in Australia to try to get it all on air in 2001, and, once more, simply getting it published somewhere would have stopped or mitigated their criminal action against my person. I crack my head myself and cannot tell, from beginning to end, what exactly is happening and happened to me. I understand that a lot of people who have nothing to do with the university were able to get to me and attack me ALSO through the university and, whilst my life and hope was always to the side of the university, those let me down so badly that I cannot find not even a flatshare situation where my flatmates belong to research in 16 plus years. I can only have a chance through the university, and my best chances of anything that I need or want are always in the USA, as already said to Trevor in 2001. For some reason, I am forced day and night, in numerous and unbelievable ways, to non-academics and people who are outside of Academia, what gives me negative chances of even fighting for my basic rights, since all crimes I suffer can only be well proven through Academia. Plenty are technological crimes, the most serious ones, which keep me without a chance. They are crimes such as not having my papers listed with the MathSciNet or the Philosopher's Index. There is only God, realistically. I am sure that what has made my entire martyrdom possible is one institution: RMIT. Yet, their entire plot, and it was definitely the women who created all of it, from beginning to end, consisted of a Vice Chancellor, a HOD, and a few fellows without scruples who were at most half overseas and half native. Both the VC and the HOD were put there through criminal politicians connected to Brazil, The Brazilians. The fellows is the part that I sincerely cannot explain, like why they would ever contribute or attack. I depend on the collaboration from people from research even to adequately publish what is going on with me all these years, quite sincerely: Only those would know exactly what they can say, and the way they can say, so that we decrease to maximum the chance of reproduction of the atrocities and increase to maximum my chances of getting what I need out of this. It is quite a shame what has happened so far. Plenty are from overseas and have tried to help until Obama, then I did not have communication lines I could count on in Australia until then, so that all got lost. After Obama, not so sure about what happens, but what generated the whole lot was definitely RMIT and whatever those people did there, and that is intrinsically connected to the triad of monsters from VUT support: Tony Milone, Judith Cook, and Elaine Martin. The main thing is that they do things to us and with us without getting our authorisation first, direct authorisation. In the post-event, they also do not let us know exactly what they have done. They proceed therefore as if we are kids who cannot have access to what they are thinking when their actions may literally imply loss of our lives and basic rights. I don't even know what to say about this, to be sincere. I thought compliance was mandatory for all governmental employees, especially police, equity, and human rights. I never thought they could be the reason for us to suffer more crime, and I always thought, quite sincerely, that their lives were there, promised to death if necessary when it comes to protecting us against crime, especially atrocity. The entire martyrdom, its characteristics, makes me think that someone like Joao Carlos Ricci Terra, therefore someone arrogant, intrusive, disrespectful, whose life was always exploiting women, belittling them (typical carioca), simply arrived in 2001 and stole me from Academia in general, but also from all my acquaintances, usual circles and all else, so that it is as if he basically took over my life since then, and the entire world let it happen even though, at that very moment, I was denouncing precisely that: That someone was reading my e-mails without my authorisation and my fellows were letting me know that that was to harm or was coming from someone from outside of Academia, therefore really dangerous. Bradley is half and half, since he did publish some research and did present some talks that far. Maybe my fellows would not think he was really dangerous even because they knew he was my De Facto or at least boyfriend. It should be Brazil, perhaps Joao Carlos. As I keep on thinking, Irene Penesis, responsible for all, is a Greek descent. John Rumeliotis, who would have put both Gani and George at VUT, is a Greek descent. The politician, female, who I identified as part of The Brazilians is a Greek descent. Carie, the wife of Joao Carlos that was insanely jealous of me, was a Greek descent. I do think there is a high chance that Joao, like Lea Ricci, his generation, had a lot of will that I were a mental, so that he could effectively be destroying my life and career in Science since 2000 with a lot of intention. There is still the story of star of the family and his age. It is like this: I was born amongst marginals, plenty of my relatives is what I myself would always call marginal, like Lea Ricci, another carioca by the way, but I would have saved my life and body entirely if nobody at RMIT attacked me criminally or proceeded with disloyalty, especially those at the top. From where I see it, they always had a choice, not me. Another thing that could have helped is Bradley or those support VUT women acting with loyalty that is minimum, so disclosing to me what they are doing that will affect my existence, as a minimum thing. Nothing of that happened, and, on top, all my super secret, strategic information of a lifetime, and I lived to accumulate information, knowledge, strategy, and so on, and this information did include the details of the CIA bug, probably known only by me back then, as for non-CIA world, went directly to the hands of The Brazilians. They chose. I am their victim, apparently eternal. Me, mum, and plenty of others. Sever was the owner of the RGMIA at VUT, the group, so that Gani and George, as well as Rumeliotis, would need his authorisation to join and be there, but I remember having been told that who was directly connected to Gani and George was John, not Sever. Coincidentally, Joao in English means John. It is John Shepherd and John Hearne as well, very coincidentally. 





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Saturday, 14 April 2018

Organised Little Crime that Really Pays






Because I suffer crimes for an eternity, there is never anything else but crime in my existence, and atrocity, all against me, this since end of 2001 at most, and all originates in Brazil. From so much having the same crime repeated in the same places, I end up finding out exactly what they did. 


Friday I was at the Macquarie University, one day of the week. This woman calls me: That she wanted to book me, so that I would be translating the contents of a few letters from Portuguese for her. I detected Brazilian voice, at most Portuguese. I could tell she could not understand a word that I said in English, but, when I said all in Portuguese, she did understand. Yet, she complained, said that she did not know was the Portuguese language, and insisted that I had to meet her not this week, not that same day, since I did suggest that, but next week, so that I could translate those letters. Well, if they were in Portuguese and she spoke Portuguese, they never needed any translation, obviously and trivially. Well, total of the mass is that I obviously got no new student, but the woman creates confusion. From so much repeating and me suffering, all the same, usually coming from an old woman from Brazil, and I really hate all about them (the fact that they are old, the fact that they are women, the fact that they are from Brazil, and, more than anything else, the fact that they have lived to attack me, destroy my life, and finally even everything else), I worked out: What follows that call is that they put a student to control the access to the hidden cubicle where I am. Another approaches that one, voice of Middle East, to converse with him in a way for me to hear. Right before she called, I was thinking that that place, where I usually choose to be this semester, cause it is more private, was bearing meetings of marginals. The configuration of the place makes me think it can only be, and the other day I heard 'Osama Bin Laden' and some relatively loud conversation of what should apparently be Middle East men, students, probably undergraduate. Some are together with The Brazilians from beginning to end, to the point of a woman coming inside of my bus in 2005 to say I was with the terrorists. 


Anyway, I now know that that woman probably calls the university, security, or someone who speaks to them, and alerts them about a person in their premises, who they located through GPS (using my mobile); a person who would have threatened or scared them somehow. These women have then been doing this to me since at most 2005. That is the reason for people not to give me jobs in Teaching since back then in Australia, I now think (there was ATC). They still spread more things, and the reason for all that would be that Agnella Ricci Terra would have told them to make me company or give me support until I get my academic job, believe it or not, like there is absolutely no law: Basically, they stretch, guarantee that I, super employable, would not have a job in normal Academia for all these years, and tell Agnella that it is like that, so that they can basically keep on haunting me, using my life and person, and so on. There is only God. 


Another one identified herself as Kiran, would be after tutorials in Cyber Crime, found me through VIP Student. As soon as I contact her, things start becoming dodge: Perhaps it was not Cyber Crime, it was Cyber Security. Perhaps she is not really at the Macquarie University and so on. Finally, she spoke to me on phone and denied that she was ever after tutorials. She would send me messages through the VIP Student or Skype or mobile, messages that said that she really wanted my classes. I would call, then it wasn't. I then remembered that when I was recently serving the Macquarie at the International Students building, MUIC, this man stopped me to converse for a long time, apparently seeking help. He told me that he had done Cyber Crime with me. I now think he did not pass. He told me he was from Africa. I am now thinking that he was probably from Brazil. His name was precisely Kyran, I think. I then imagine that he put that picture of woman, found a woman to speak on his phone, perhaps the girlfriend, and invented some big confusion around my name at the Macquarie University. Cyber Crime had a lot of atypical presentations after Alazab left. One of them brought false information: I tried to use that information to get Bitcoins, but it was not sound. He might have been part of one of those groups. I think he made bad face when I asked a question about his presentation (during class). I do not recall very well. I thought I had recognised one member of his group: They started the course by a time you'd think they couldn't. They appeared by the end of the semester, almost during the time of the presentations. One of them looked very familiar to me, as if coming from SENAI/CETIQT. I stopped to converse with her and she denied. That also happened in Adelaide: I could swear the boy had been my student, that one, this at SENAI. I stopped him at the gym to ask. He also denied, and with persistence. There is only God...


Forgot the detail: I am desperate to move out from where I am almost all the time during all these years, since it is never people I can really trust. With time I find out not only that they would not give me a witness' note despite seeing crime that I suffer, but they would also commit crime against me. I then found a convenient ad at Gumtree: A lady claiming to be called Tatiana was offering a bedroom to whomever wanted to take care of her son, drive once in a while, and clean. I wrote to her, showed interest. She told me her number, and asked me to have mine. I gave. I called her, voice messenger. I said via Skype for us to meet today somewhere in the CBD. She agreed. I never heard from her again, but I then got two security guards coming around me to basically kick me out of the building number 8 where I was. A UN event was happening there. They claim I cannot stay there because everyone has to get out, levels one to five. They are security, I try to find out about where I can be and so on. I have the impression I was the only one kicked out after I am out. An old white guy follows me as I direct myself to the other building. Tatiana never called or messaged after that. A Brazilian woman passed me by as I was going to the train station and said scared and whatever to me as I passed her by. This all repeated. I have the impression I lost access to some buildings there. I then think that they have been calling security all these years and saying I threatened them, they located me through GPS, and this sort of thing. That then explains why I get so much bad will everywhere I go during this period. There is only God...


I feel that their messages have been erased as well, what is even more of a concern. It is probably so that I cannot even prove what happened there.



 




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Friday, 13 April 2018

Personal Judgement x Law

Today I got to the conclusion that those who violate my most basic rights in democracy, capitalism, First World, now for astounding 16 years plus, commanded by what I am sure is the largest mass of South Americans that has ever been put together to attack the First World Peoples, believe they are observing and fixing me in my intimate deals with others, so that they believe that they are teaching me a lesson of some sort as they steal all my material and virtual property 24/7, deprive me from communication lines free of crime, steal my post (since 2005), and so on. Funny enough that the claim people like Lea Ricci Pinheiro has, as she violates all my human rights internationally, with the same ease she always had in Brazil, is that they are teaching me a lesson. I find that extraordinary: The capacity of the generations above mine of forcing us to learn from them. We cannot say no. We cannot think that they are not qualified to teach us anything. We cannot leave them and get rid of any sort of contact with their personas: They wanted. They thought I should learn something from them. They wanted me to do this or that instead of what I did, like they even put a poster under display in 2002 saying Come Out to Play, which I, only later on, would associate with what they wanted (become a lesbian!). 


I was just conversing with another professor about eras, changes of trends in human kind, and my conclusion is that we have left the era of the economical domination (those who have money can get anything they want, do everything they want, and so on, so that, for them, the laws and systems are nothing), and entered the era of the technological domination (those who have criminal technological skills can get whatever they want, do all they want, and so on, so that, for them, the laws and systems are nothing). Nowadays, they go to my Linkedin and surgically remove thousands of my members using my own login and password. These are crimes that are almost impossible to be proven: I may do that myself, be insane, and report. And whilst the true pigs sink their heads in the mud, as they say in Brazil, happy enough for doing their thing, my beloved First World students are deprived from what should have been their best professor, supervisor, and all else, Science is deprived from my talent, skills, work, theatres are deprived from my image and acting, and so on. Shocking that one SOB can cause all this and we find nothing and nobody for more than 16 years, not to say our entire life, to make sure the laws will be respected and our rights will be properly defended, especially the most basic ones, such as property, freedom, and privacy. May God allow for time reversion at least in the case of mum and me, and may that include our organisms in their entirety. May God allow for us to have Marcia Hope and show, not only tell, His wonders. In the name of Jesus Christ, and all those who have been martyred against their will, especially those who have been martyred by the own governmental agents, also against the law, as in my case. 


I strongly suggest that, if the authorities for law and order someday bother about what has been happening to all First World Peoples, which obviously and trivially included my person, born from very legitimate First World Peoples' descents, they investigate documents forgery. Not only do I believe that already in 2001 we had 'Finish' women born in Brazil at waste everywhere in the First World, already causing lots of crimes against innocent and virtuous women like myself when I meet them, but I am sure the amount of forgery and deceit has been almost infinitely increased during the period of my martyrdom (from end of 2001 until nowadays). I now believe I have met Mexicans, Nordic, English, Canadian, French, Middle East, and tons of other people whose birth is undeniably Brazilian: I only find out as I see them more times, as I even share house with them. Quite sincerely, as I told Trevor in 2001, Rio de Janeiro is the place for forgery, so that I was never surprised with the fact that the First World Peoples could be thinking that I had lied in my resume; I was surprised with the fact that they would not give me a chance of proving to them that, in my case, also mum's, the qualifications, experience, and achievements were absolutely deserved and genuine. It is a shame that Bradley Paul Neal got to reign absolute from beginning to end instead of me. I promise you that, despite my birth, I never ever even lied since I was 10 years old, to anyone else, and that DOES set me apart from every Brazilian I have ever met in life apart from my grandmother, mother, and Rogerio (oh, well, perhaps I am overlooking, but these are the names that immediately come to my head) for two years during my undergraduate. I promise you that just that fact makes me not be a carioca. I also promise you, as I will die saying, that I am the exotic case: I came for having absolutely no match in South America, for simply trying to recover the original connections of my roots with the First World Peoples or for simply being after a people who had to do with my person, my individuality, of someone who never found any similar creature in South America. I am sure that was my right, and the nightmare the contact with South Americans, especially cariocas, was for me since my birth should have been over at most in 2000. From there, at most my mother. Really not happening. May God provide. 


I have the sure impression that the native white people from AU, US, and UK have no idea about how many of their group have had their lives and basic human rights sacrificed because of the attack of some South American over them, and I think I am sure that, if they knew, they would do anything, including giving their lives, to get me out of this situation, of suffering crime. I have absolutely no doubts that I am their only possible hero, this already in 2001. It is a shame that, as time goes by, they take over more and more of our countries and peoples, and, in special, of my race, white. It is full 16 plus years for a people who could steal from an entire beach, as long as Ipanema, in a couple of hours without missing not even one individual, as I told Trevor. When they realise, if they ever do, I am sure they will think they were really really stupid and doomed all of us, that it was really easy for them to stop all, but they chose to do nothing or support, quite inexplicably. I really wish, from beginning to end, that I were in the USA by the end of 2001, just because I am sure the IQ level there was originally much higher, they had much more sense in all, and therefore this would never have not even started. 


Some apparently attack me because they deemed that I was garbage for marriage (so that when they said I should be inside of a trash truck, and that happened a few times in the period of my martyrdom, it was about marriage. That would be about Bradley telling me that he lied, basically: He actually did not want to marry - 2002, close to when Asha had The Attack. I had pre-organised that all with Trevor and that was supposed to work against him, since he would  have lied to everyone else, showing total absence of character. I had the hint that he did that to get away with his previous crimes against me, and that is why I pre-planned that with Trevor or attempted to do that). Well, in judging that I was trash for marriage, my only life, perfect body and head could all be used and destroyed against my will and every law on earth. I could then be forced to rejects (in their sick minds, rejects like me). Agnella Ricci Terra apparently wanted me to marry some Brazilian/South American, so that she thought her atrocities were appropriate, and she lied to me about her intentions, since, when I saw her in person, 2003, she said she loved me and would do anything for me to succeed at work. I had my work and study criminally ruined millions of times now by The Brazilians, which include her, all planned in a meticulous manner, so that it would be impossible she ever wanted to help me at work or study, but marriage may make sense for a person who cannot see things properly. I remember having told Trevor to get Bradley to always say we were married, together, until basically my relatives gave up or I was rid of them, like back to Australia, what happened in 2004. I really don't understand how anyone can let even one second of my life be administered by someone else illegally and against my will, who would say 16 plus years and the only justification of Agnella and Joao Carlos being that I was unsuitable for marriage or something? As I keep on thinking, we anxiously wait for the time at which Brazil and Australia will have a proper constitution and sign for privacy, property, and freedom, like it can only be that they don't, since the police and human rights agencies of Australia, also Equity, are responsible, in first hand, for all this. It can only be a joke, the entire thing. However, we must remember that Kathy Horadam also mentioned my personal life at RMIT, 2002, and that was one of the main things that made me give up on her, despite what a few fellows said, and go for Germanus, my Sorites: She said I had to date someone who had my profession. Believe it or not, they would have then referred to Reginaldo da Silva from Brazil, Rio de Janeiro, since John Hearne would connect to his ex-professor/supervisor, the one who sexually assaulted him during his course, as I explained in a few places). I sincerely hope that God materialises and fixes all this with everyone else watching in a way that only God can, quite sincerely, and this way will hopefully include my Marcia Hope. Not only almost all my ex-boyfriends wanted to marry me, and it was me who said no, but I had an infinity of men to go for in the First World before this all started if I ever prioritised that, and I only wanted them before this all started, as said to Trevor in infinitely many ways. As incredible as it may seem, it seems that, in not being able to force me to one of their universal rejects, men picked by finger for being realistically despised by women, they went for me having been made to be company of female rejects, so old women in general or older women, such as Lea Ricci Pinheiro: That I was still going to live with her and like her, which seems to then be the reason why I am now for a few years forced to women in several ways, majorly old ones. Jesus! Talk about compliance, ethics, and Science. May God guarantee the end of earth and human kind to its last possible trace. In the name of Jesus and all martyrs who, like me, never wanted to be a martyr, so be it!


And the hardest part to understand and accept in all, if this is the right thread, is that Bradley appeared with me for Horadam's group during the entire period I was under her supervision, exactly like I planned, since one of the problems that I had that was most serious, I thought, as said to Trevor, was their interference with my personal life (supervisor's). Her students saw me with Bradley in the condition of my fiancee. We went out with them a few times. Where does she take the story that I needed a Reginaldo from, I wonder? There is only God... When I was under her supervision, Bradley was picking me up by hand inside of the building of RMIT every day, I think. You'd have to be insane to cause so many problems to your student, problems that should have taken her life already in 2002... There is only God all the way through. I still gave a party at the house I was sharing in Santa Kilda East (sharing was already a consequence of suffering crime), and both Hing Hung and Kaye Marion attended, since I was not with Kathy's group anymore; now it was Shepherd's. Hing was from DEs. Bradley attended, was there during the entire party, and we were still playing the same game. There is only God, realistically. 


To make it all worse, when I arrived in Brazil, I told everyone else I was with Bradley, as I said I would be doing. Bradley still went to Brazil soon after me, and did call and all to say it was because of me. Once more, there is only God... One person in that house, however, St Kilda East, one who did not live there, said that if I did not stay in the motel in Tijuca that Alexandre liked, and I still saw my relatives, I would get much worse. One ex-professor, Vera, referred to my personal life, and basically implied that I should fight for Rogerio de Oliveira, to split him from his wife (another Marcia, according to him). I also told her that I never wanted to marry a Brazilian man, Rogerio included. Nothing saved me, it seems. There is only God...


 



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Friday, 6 April 2018

Organised Gang Stalking and Harassment, Asian, Sense (being built)





Yesterday, at least for the second time, I had the same group of Asians stalking me in the public transport. At a certain height, I was advised not to take the trains, instead go by car or tram or bus. It seems to be good advice, but the problem is how to do that if you consider where I have to be, time constraints, reliability of the other services, availability, and so on. Well, this particular lady sits to my side, left, in a two-people seat, for at least the second time. She then says 'we don't kiss them' in a clear way, obviously to me, since nobody is around but me. She says that starring at the front and next to me, to my left. I know she is trying to imply she is a prostitute because in one of my books or posts I speak about the movie where Julia Roberts was a main, A Beautiful Woman: She then teaches us, or at least modern virgins like myself (all Marys for sure!), that prostitutes may employ a non-kissing strategy, so that, first of all, they din't get involved with their clients, but I would say myself that there are plenty of other factors of interest, such as diseases that get transmitted through the mouth. When I don't speak to her at my own initiative, and that is different from what I did the last time I reckon (it is very hard to keep track of what I did in the past with a particular stalker, but I try, to the best of my abilities, not to repeat behaviour if I remember in time I have already been through that situation with the same people), and I also hope so. She then engages in talk with the couple that is behind us, and I seem to hear a man and a woman from Asian background like herself. That is when they talk about her attending the university and being interested in her male fellows, like basically their possible clients. Today I go to the university and the scenes repeat again, all people of Asian background. It starts with a young lady who is on her own. I go to the toilet and things change soon after that: She is now with another Asian. She is then teaching her what seems to be wrong theory, such as when you write 300 words for the university, you end all with a joke of the sort, do you believe this? She talks about Pride and Prejudice and I recall that is exactly what they did the last time, even the contents of the conversation. I don't really see knowledge in what she is saying, rather the opposite, but, if I get them well, it is supposed to be private teaching. Several things occur to me, but I noticed an abundance of lesbians yesterday, Some were clearly doing stuff, and they had the care of swapping a couple of women for another for the second time at least for some reason. I had two women in the front seat to the right of the wagon in the last leg of my trip, and I was then thinking to myself, it must be the night of the lesbians or something. They were cuddling and stuff like that. When I raise and get out of the wagon, train, and I am then inside of the lift, what I see is a mother and a daughter. I then thought: Oh, wrong impression. I am a bad observer. That is possible. At least one of those couples. The trouble is that I am very much into detail, would not be a top researcher, a mathematician, linguist, and so on. I think I am absolutely sure they swapped the couple by the end, the exit part. Why? That is because that matters to someone. Indeed, in the last leg of the torment, the session of presentations (private class simulation, then self-defence, then Asian dance presentation, all around me, all Asians or people with Asian background, mostly women), one of them clearly says, and this would be at least once more, repetition, I am sure: That is a prostitute. She points at me. She however finishes her speech as if she were putting irony in the plate, like the others are saying that, but I am sure it  isn't. I take to myself that they are all crazy people: Give me a witness;' and I am saved. However, if you think that human kind is now victim of the CIA bug for about 16 years plus and lots of human beings have had their sexual choice criminally changed by this bug, and, as for declaration of The Brazilians, that would include people as big as Kardashian's father and Kevin Rudd, then you may think that I could be this pitiful victim of a CIA bug and they could be trying to convince somebody that my sexual preference should be criminally changed by the thing, is it not? That would be why I get lesbians from beginning to end of my martyrdom (end of 2001 to now), this as a main rule, almost all the time. Rarest is having an opportunity of being amongst academics, and even postdocs, what was a rule in my life before, that I would spend at least my work hours amongst them. Also rarest that I am with men who are men in all senses, rather than bisexuals, homosexuals, drug addicts, and the alike. Almost no chance even in terms of fighting the atrocities I endure from beginning to end. There is only God, realistically. I can guarantee you however that if it depended on me I would never have spent a fraction of my life in my intimacy with any woman, taking away my grandma, myself, and mum, that is it. There is only God... Only God... 


What happened soon before that date was that I had what seemed to be top executives, native, coming around me: A man from the MGSM, Macquarie, and yesterday another one of those. For those who don't think I think when it is about crime and me as a victim, I did try to converse with all stalkers all the time for a long time, but all of them, for some reason, really don't seem to be into helping, so that I think I am sure marginals are marginals and good people are good people. Each time we include one of them in our environment, we will surely suffer crime, since there is nothing that will make them change their mind. Apparently, if the laws in democracy did not do, and we all know they are all full of Logic, nothing will. Already in the beginning I was bullied by this native Australian man, white man, of young age, around Luna Park in St Kilda. I still loved the native Australian men very much back then, so that I did my best effort: I stopped, went back, even because he was on his own, and asked him why he had done that. That what? I then said that he said this, bullied me. He blushed, admitted, but gave me no information. Of course he could have done that, things like who told him, a stranger, to do that to me. He didn't. What I seriously learned is that if the best members of society don't do  it, nobody will. It is all waste for the victim to try others. Anyway, then the second best strategy appeared: I will just try to do the opposite to what I did the last time to see if I get a different reaction or consequence (nothing seems to be in my favour). There is only God...





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Friday, 30 March 2018

Learning Methods During Upbringing






I came up with another theory yesterday: People who betray others do not get attached to others properly, since anyone else would feel pain whilst betraying. They do not miss the other, but, even more importantly, they are do not (emotionally) depend on the other. I remembered Rogerio, from the time I thought I was sure we were really happy and he was really faithful, and then myself and how I relate to men in my life: I then concluded that people need to (emotionally) depend on the other to be faithful. It is as if we won't have air to breath when we don't know about the other or we think they are not missing us, and we depend on the air to remain alive, so that it is realistically about dependency. Of course, I am a person with military and super orthodox Catholic background, I would say, so that I have a huge amount of discipline and a huge power of self-sacrifice. That makes me decide for one person and stick to them until it is impossible to sustain, this because they fail, not me. Notwithstanding, having true feelings for the other probably means missing them in that way. I then analysed, assessed, and concluded that it has to do with upbringing: My mother made me always run after her. It was always definitely as if she could always take off, and at least once the threat was quite real. I then always blame myself for her emotional bonds with me. As a second point, we need to know how the man learned what he learned when he was little: If he had positive reinforcement, then we can love in peace, but if he had negative reinforcement, which would be the case of the majority of human kind, we need to keep him in constant pain. From the large amount of homosexual videos (masculine homosexuality, gay porn) I had watched up to 2001, as I told Trevor back then, I concluded that most men go for homosexuality to feel pain, pain that a romantic or righteous woman would never impose to them. They then missed the negative reinforcement, in my humblest. They miss the pain. With positive reinforcement, which is the one mum gave me, rarest thing in her time, we get reinforced each time we do something right, so that I get more love from my men, I do more for them, I feel happier, I want that relationship to last. With negative reinforcement, however, we get the absence of pain when we do right, what means that we probably associate absence of pain with love, and we don't like true love because that is too different from what feels like 'home', believe it or not. I believe we are here talking about a two-state system. I also observed that we usually associate, in terms of sex, in one of two options: laterally (same gender, for the purposes of cheating together, let's say, but I myself have associated laterally just to date, get boyfriends, have free sex in an accidental manner whilst looking for boyfriends) and vertically (opposite gender, true couple). When we associate laterally and like it, we will end up having homosexual sex, sooner or later, since the emotional bond, the dependency, is formed with the same gender. This is to say that there is the right and the wrong way of educating people, and negative reinforcement has to be wrongest. 


People from the military can only have gone through negative reinforcement.




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Thursday, 29 March 2018

A Joyful Day

(Writing challenge. It was inspired by my moments with LR Pinheiro, and NR Pinheiro)


On that particular day, there was light everywhere in the house: The strings seen in the scalp of the star we all see in the skies with naked eye during daytime touched our faces nicely as we played in Jayme’s room. It was me, Nelson, and Jayme, but just the fact that I was (finally) surrounded by men who clearly wanted to please me made me happy enough to guarantee my face was as shiny as the scalp of the star that gently warmed us. Jayme would show me a toy, a train that made interesting and loud noises upon being squeezed in the belly, and would say, Marcia, Marcia, see this one. I would stop and stare at him and then observe what he was doing with his hands to create that nice impression, impression of amusement. Nelson would then come up with a male doll that was jumping having a parachute on his back. He would say, Marcia, Marcia, look at this. I would then pay attention more to his words, voice, body movements, and joy than to the doll that now descended in a ninety-degree angle with the waxed parquetry floor, but I would still dedicate a head tilt to his cause. That was going on for about five minutes already, but I wanted more: Oh, so many days, and months, even years lonely in that house, most of the time only me and this female figure that seemed to complain all the time somehow about her doom. That was paradise! I entertained myself with the sight, sounds, movements, and joy of all of us to the point of having sparkling eyes when my body was pulled to the back by a strange and unrecognizable, as well as unstoppable, couple of arms: Lea had arrived. That was not my mother, the sad female figure in the kitchen. That was my sister, the person to imprint the word horror on every page of the book of my existence since at most the time I start remembering facts, which, for some reason, happened by the age of five years old. Her grip was like a set of iron hooks around my elbows: I really could do nothing about it. I was dragged just like in the best horror movies you have ever watched: I could not even tell the starting from the finishing point, so quick the transition was from their beloved and joyful company to the darkness and solitude of my own room, which, for my complete disgrace, was right next to hers. She then sat me over my own bed, miles away from my beloved brothers, and kept on staring at me as if I were doing something wrong, perhaps me and them. She seemed to be wondering about things, pondering, but, at the same time, she could be thinking of nothing but ruining our lives and our every opportunity of having joy. As she sat there, in front of my now very sad body, fully returned to its original state, from before those nice men come around me, I asked myself, like from inside: What is she really thinking? Is it possible that she at least has a plan to entertain me for a while? That is when reality kicked in: She actually didn’t. She wanted me to be there, on my own, away from those men, and hopefully without any trace of joy in my face and person, as she herself seemed to be all the time. I still asked, quite weakly: We are going to play something, me and you? No, she said. Just stay there now. I thought they were hurting you, and you were yelling. Oh, dear, would there be anything better for me out there, in the World of Humans? One day of almost-joy. That is probably the summary of my childhood.